Fear

Some say that our experience with our daughter was insignificant or that we're over dramatic; however, I know that those who have had a similar experience would agree that no matter how short the time frame the emotion was real and the fear earth shattering.

For those that don't know our daughters story please allow me to share:

Despite a rough pregnancy with Andrew and the surprise of being pregnant with Olivia everything went very smoothly. Even labor was a quick process and my daughter came out pink and screaming. She took to nursing like a pro and we cherished finally meeting her and holding her in our arms.

Since our pediatrician does not come out to our hospital we were assigned an on-call pediatrician. When Olivia was first born they heard a murmur in her heart. Her first day in the hospital after birth the pediatrician came in very optimistic but wanting to chat. He sat down and talked to us a bit stating "it is probably PAC (premature atrium contractions) and something she would more than likely outgrow". He drew us a chart to explain and told us not to worry too much but they were going to do an EKG just to be sure. We carried on with no concern and again cherished all the family and friends visits and time to hold and snuggle our little girl.

The following morning the pediatrician came back after running tests, more serious this time, and stated he that what he was looking for in the EKG was not there. They wanted to run more tests and it was not what they thought. He mentioned a possibility of PVC (premature ventricle contractions). He never really explained the situation and wouldn't really answer any of our questions. Each time I would ask a question as to what PVC was he would response with: "I want to do more testing". He explained that Olivia would not be discharged with me and she would not be going home any time soon. He said that he knew the best cardiologist in Louisville who specialized in infant PVC, he had personally called him, and he would be over to see us later that day to discuss the situation. He let us know that he would work to get me a board room close to the nursery and would come back to see us after we had met with the cardiologist.

PAC is a misfire in the upper part of the heart to which the lower part helps the heart recover and keep beating. PVC is a misfire in the lower part of the heart. Due to the longer distance from the lower heart to the upper heart the rate of recovery is longer and it takes longer to get the heart beating again.  In an adult, who has a more mature heart, the ability to recover can be minor and may only cause a "minor" heart attack. In an infant the time span it takes to recover is often fatal. At any moment our daughter could suffer a heart attack and die with no warning or real cause. I began praying immediately and constantly, while sobbing. We were devastated.

I held her tighter, closer, and with greater love than anyone hoping and praying. I wanted to see her crawl and walk. I wanted to see her play. I wanted to hear her first word and see her at school for the first time.
I wanted to take her home.

After seeing the cardiologist they took Olivia again for more testing. The cardiologist wanted his own team to run tests. We sent special emails/ text/ and phone calls asking for prayer from those closest to us. We attempted to busy ourselves while waiting for Olivia's return. Everyone prayed for my little girl but no one more or harder than me. It was a LONG and emotional day!

6 hours after we received the news about her heart the cardiologist came back stating she looked great and HIS tests came back free of PVC; he didn't hear any real murmur and nothing was showing on any of the tests. She did have an open valve, that would close in time, that he wanted to keep an eye on but as far as everything else she was healthy, happy, and doing great. He did want to send her home with a holter monitor (24 hr. EKG machine) to be sure. We were to return the machine the next day, calm down, and go home- taking O with us- and rest.  We sobbed some more, this time in relief and pure joy that our little girl was okay. We sobbed even more when they told us we were able to take her home!

Getting in the car with my daughter, I cried all the way home at the emotional whirl wind of a day but yet knowing that Olivia was in the back seat contently sleeping, breathing, and heart beating.

Everyone asks if I prayed that God would spare my little girl. Honestly, I did not. My prayer was that God would hold her, give the doctors wisdom, and comfort me in a way I had never been comforted before. The fear of losing my little girl was devastating and blinding. But as I prayed I begged for God to hold our family in his hands and comfort us. I prayed for Christ like strength and wisdom. I prayed for my little girls heart to be strong and beat as long as God willed. When I had finally, fully placed my daughter in Christ's hands I thanked God endlessly for her. I called each piece by name: the moments I had to hold her, her alert eyes, her perfectly heart shaped lips, her long eye lashes, her ability to nurse, her long elegant fingers and perfectly shaped nails. I thanked God for the friends and family that already loved her and showered her with that love. After giving thanks I prayed for the machines that were testing her heart, the doctors/nurses who preformed the tests, and for the tests to come out true. I asked God to pour his spirit into our little girl and let Christ's light shine through her, even at her young age of 2 days old.

To have finally met my little miracle I feared losing her. To say hello and then goodbye; that fear was real. In what some consider a brief time frame I gained and grew more as a Christian, as a woman, and as a mom than I ever have in my life. 6 hours changed me. Fear changed me. God blessed me.


Olivia is my little miracle. There is not a DAY that I don't look at her and say thank you. She gained weight before her first doctor appointment after coming home and has since put on another 1.6 lbs and 4 inches. She is always full of smiles and you can tell she already adores her brother.


I continue to pray for my little girl. I pray she continues to be healthy and happy. I pray she comes to know Christ and how much He loves her. Most of all I pray that Christ will continue to use her to touch others and His light will continue to shine through her, no matter what her age. :)

The World of Cloth Diapering

We've returned our diaper trial and our shipment/ stash of diapers came last weekend; we're IN! 

 

We hit a MAJOR 4th of July sale and got an INCREDIBLE deal on our stash; the brand we bought (Kawaii Baby) were on sale PLUS since we had such a large order they gave us an extra $30 off with FREE shipping. That dropped our initial investment $75-100, I was PSYCHED! Since we were saving so much Brandon let me splurge a little and I got 6 cute printed diapers; the small amount fed my "fun factor" with out breaking us.

 

Brandon found a deal on a medium wet bag on Woot.com last week so, since I don't have sewing machine, my wet bag only cost me $6 instead of $17. We had been using Ziploc freezer bags until I researched something cheaper; Brandon found it instead- GO HUBBY!

 

Here's the low down on our trial and what we like and found:

 

1. Prefold:  old school piece of absorbent fabric that requires "pinning". Modern day pin =  Snappi contraption. You still need a plastic type cover that goes over the fabric and is the waterproof layer. (3 step process; fold fabric, secure in place, place waterproof layer on top.)

2. Fitted: Disposable like in make and ease of use but made completely of cloth. Still requires the plastic like cover over top of them to create the waterproof layer. (2 step process; put one cloth absorbent layer, put on waterproof cover/ layer.)

3. Pocket: Absorbent layer + waterproof layer sewn all in one diaper. Pocket at the top allows for stuffing of absorbent layer and allows you to customize according to your child's absorbency needs- aka stuff to your heats content. (2 step process; stuff absorbent layer, put diaper on child) Most parents pre-stuff prior to changing the child to make the process easier.

4. All-in-One: Absorbent layer + waterproof layer sewn all in one. Has 2 absorbent flaps that sit on top of one another to create the extra absorbency where in the pocket you have to stuff that yourself. Considered the Cadillac of cloth diapers; no prep, no fuss, no stuff.

 

Although I really didn't mind the prefolds Brandon did not like them at all and with Andrew currently in outside childcare the prefold really wasn't an option. We wanted to make sure we kept things simple for whoever was watching Andrew. The prefold method takes coordination and time to "get the hang of", something a once-in-a-while sitter may not have. We opted out on this one but may revisit once the little one gets here.

 

We decided to use Fitteds for overnight and with how much Andrew rolls around those seemed to work best. We never had anything we used "leak" but the outside liner of everything else would be slightly damp or his PJ waist band would be a little damp. The fitted sit a little tighter on his legs so for all the extra we get at night I like those as my overnighter.

 

During our trial I had a nasty poop in an all-in-one and spent WAY too much time trying to get each "layer" clean while not getting it all over myself. I told Brandon right then we would NOT be buying ANY all-in-ones. To keep things cheaper right now we're not investing in a sprayer to rinse- that may come later once we have a smaller child with less solid diapers but for now I DID NOT like swishing the all-in-one.
They're also the most expensive and, for us, the hardest to rinse off- so we said no thanks!

 

By the time we'd tried them all, discussed finances, our lifestyle, and Andrew's childcare options we opted for pockets during the day and fitted for overnight. We discussed numbers with our friends and in our class and came to a solid number of 18. When we ordered we ended up with 18 pockets and 3 fitted with 2 covers. With our diaper trial the every night wash was not bad; I had a system down that worked and got it done with Andrew in bed and before 9:30. Our new and current stash lets us wash every 3 days and given that I washed every night for 2 weeks the break has been awesome. :)

 

We LOVE our pocket diapers and so far so does everyone we've given Andrew to. We encountered a lot of skepticism through our process but have been able to bring around just about everyone. :) Cloth diapering has come so far and is now so easy that we have yet to have a complaint. Since we use pocket diapers, which are just like disposables, it's been super easy for everyone. We pre-stuff them so anyone who has Andrew just has to remove the dirty one and put on a clean one, just like they would a disposable. We've even had a few moms comment on how cute he looks.

 

Andrew is diapered and we LOVE it! We know that diapering an infant is different so we'll be researching, budgeting, and keeping an eye out for sales/what not for the next one. All in all we're extremely happy and Andrew seems to be as well. I'm not an environmental advocate in the least; however, we both agree that this has been a great investment. 

 

Not for everyone, but it works for us!

No Way In

I feel that I haven't had a really good laugh out loud story in a while... well... call it pregnancy brain, stupidity, or just a good learning experience- here you go:

I have worked at our churches counseling center as an administrative assistant for almost 4 months. I schedule clients, process the files, work with insurance, deal with claims, update our database, and complete general office tasks- I love it. Fridays are pretty low key days and most Friday afternoons I am here by myself. I kick off my shoes, lock the doors, and crank my music while feverishly working away and getting stuff done! I LOVE my Fridays.

My boss took off around 11:30 for lunch. I settled into a stopping point and around 12 decided I would go into the kitchen and heat up my own lunch. Knowing that the front door and interior door were locked I grabbed a key and made my way to the kitchen. As the interior door shut I found the kitchen door to be locked. Shocked and shaking my head I put my key in the lock and attempted to turn. Nothing. I turned and put the key in the interior door and attempted to turn. Notta. Complete and utter confusion swept over me and I racked my brain as to what just happened. I tried the kitchen door again. Zip. I tried the interior door again. Zilch.

Beginning to chuckle and thinking of a previous conversation with a co-worker I stepped into our waiting area toward the window. Recalling how my co-worker stated that she would love to see me crawl through the window, should I ever lock myself out, because I'm the only one that would fit I thought it a viable solution to my insane "how did this happen" problem. I was wrong. When the last client of the morning left, I locked the window to save myself a step that afternoon when I locked up and left for the night. The window was locked.

Standing in the middle of the waiting room I realized I was trapped and bust out laughing. THANKFULLY, last minute, I had grabbed my phone. I could walk to the church and find a facilities guy with a key or call and have them come over. Looking at my phone the battery was blinking; I had about 20 minutes left of call time. Shaking my head, yet again at the luck, I dialed the church.

As soon as the receptionist picked up I knew it had rolled over to the office... that meant there was NO ONE at the church that could come let me in. Good thing I didn't walk over but CRAP! Making sure, I asked if anyone was at the church and as I thought it was a ghost town. No big surprise given that most of the staff take Friday off since they have to work the weekend. Laughing at myself I humbly dialed my boss and requested a rescue operation. Since we have a spare set of keys in the kitchen, for situations like getting locked out of the interior door, it took me a few moments to explain that I was also locked out of the kitchen with no access to said keys. I feared going outside and not being able to get back in the building at all. *(Good thing I had already picked up the mail!).

With nothing to do and my phone dying I made myself comfortable on our couch and patiently waited for help to arrive. I made sure to have a big smile ready for my boss when he walked in the door. With both of us laughing we pondered how the kitchen door had gotten locked. Until today I didn't even know the kitchen door HAD a lock.

Lessons learned:
- Our kitchen door has a lock.
- The "master" key I grabbed is actually a key to JUST the offices. It does not open the interior, kitchen, or exterior doors of the building.
- (In lue of the situation) The windows in the bathroom, although small, DO open. hehehe.

All VERY good things to know. :)

Cloth Diapers: All In

We met with some good friends on Sunday to talk diapers. No sales pitch just: what works for you, what do you recommend and what have you learned. They even walked us through their day/travel/ wash routines. They been using cloth for 2 years so it was awesome to talk to and actually see how someone makes it work. The best part is that they’re like us, practical about it. They gave some really good advice, suggested some things we would have never thought of, and answered a lot of questions. Brandon and I both felt more confident when we left and the encouragement they offered was incredible!

4 days in and I’m still really liking it. Our sitter found that she LOVED it and the church childcare didn’t mind since we gave them the system that is just like disposable diapers to use (pocket diapers).

The laundry every night has not been bad at all. Last night provided a real test of strength and energy as we spent the entire evening teaching our son a lesson in limitations and the screaming that comes with it. Completely exhausted by his bed time I still started a cold rinse cycle just before his bedtime routine. I put Andrew to bed and by the time he was down everything was ready for the hot wash/cold rinse cycle. I left for Walmart, in need of some serious alone time, soon after and asked Brandon to put the diapers in the dryer on low once they were done washing. By the time I got home they were ready for their 2^nd low dry cycle and within 30-45 minutes I had a stack of stuffed and ready to go diapers before 9: PM. I stuffed the pockets while relaxing in front of the TV. Since we won’t be washing every night like we do now I can totally see this working for us. The nice thing about the laundry piece is you set and go. I don’t have to hover and can do other things while they’re washing/ drying; I’m not really seeing what the big deal is or what all the fuss is really about.

We have been using disposables at night, for now. The only reason being that we currently only have enough diapers to last a day or so and I would prefer not to be down a diaper first thing in the morning. Since Brandon doesn’t care for the pre-folds we haven’t been using them but have discussed using them at night for now. It really is all trial and error. We have plans to finish out the week, do another weekend, and possibly revisit again next week before “officially” deciding. We really want to give this a fair trial without jumping in head first; however, so far so good! :)

Cloth Diapering Step 3: Using Cloth

Although I read it time and time again and always just rolled my eyes, it really is true; babies look absolutely adorable running around in nothing but a cloth diaper. I put Andrew in cloth first thing in the morning and let him run around naked to get used to it. There really was no need because he took to it like he does everything else, with great adaptability and ease. He looked totally and completely ADORABLE! :)

I started my day with pre-folds and then moved to the fitted. Although I didn't mind the pre-folds Brandon was not a fan. Immediately he knew he wouldn't be able to take on the coordination that comes with a wiggling toddler and a pre-fold and turned it down on the spot. He was much more contented with the fitted and tomorrow we'll try the pockets and all-in-ones.

Wouldn't you know that my VERY first cloth diaper change would have to a poopy one! In a matter of 5 minutes I learned 2 very important things:

1. Anti-bacterial gel needs to be at the changing table
2. A sprayer on the toilet would be a wise investment should we decide to make this permanent. I didn't mind swishing and flushing; however, I did a doctor scrub on my hands when done.

The entire day went really well and I noticed an immediate change in Andrew when he wet in his diaper. He was completely aware. He still didn't care if he was wet but if watched carefully he gave a cue as to what was going on. I'm still highly optimistic and still don't really see what all the big fuss is about. Even the small load of laundry tonight wasn't bad; however, it didn't come after an 8 hour day at work.

On ward we go!

Cloth Diapering Step 2: Diaper Prep

Step1 being buy your diapers. 

So we have all our diapers; 9 in total: 3 pre-folds, 2 fitted, 2 pocket, and 2 all in ones. For this trial, since I didn't read the fine print, we'll have to wash each night. I think this will actually help since I know that if we commit to this the laundry will actually be less. :)

What people don't tell you is that when you get your diapers you have to pre- wash them. This is a process where you wash your diapers numerous times to rid them of manufacturing oils that prevent absorbency. Again contraversy reigns as to how many times, water temp, detergent or a cleaning agent. One sight recommended you just boil them in a large pot for 10 minutes; I wish I had read that first. ;)

I washed them twice in a hot/cold water cycle with an extra cold water rinse with out detergent, drying in between. I dried everything for 30 minutes on high, pulled out the pockets and all in ones to hang dry for the rest of the night then left all the pre-folds and inserts in the dryer for a normal full high cycle with low cool down. I repeated this once and we did not wash our covers. Andrew is not known to have sensitive skin so we were willing to take the risk and avoid washing these until I get a better feel for it. I would hate to ruin the water resistant covers right out of the gate, hehehe.

Although we're not doing this for the environmental value it still saves money to invest in cloth wipes as well. I researched cheap ways to do this and since I don't own a sewing machine and took the advice of a fellow money saver- I bought cheap baby wash clothes. 4 for $1. :) I found a homemade recipe for wipes solution on the internet of items we already had: water, baby wash, and olive oil. I bought a small spray bottle at Dollar Tree and found a medium spray bottle laying around the house. We'll put the smaller in his diaper bag and leave the medium one at the changing table.

Wipes and solution are ready and the diapers are finishing drying. Tomorrow morning I'll stuff the pockets and get it all ready for the day. :)

Cloth Diapering Step 1: Read the Fine Print

As Brandon carried a package in from the mail box he teased asking what in the world did I order now. Taking only a second to think I remembered, cloth diapers! Our thirty day trial had arrived. Feeling like a kid at Christmas I couldn't help but tear the package open immediately upon Brandon handing it to me. All thought went out the window, including dinner preparations, as I greedily pull each item out of the bag to inspect and get a closer look.

There was only one of each diaper. I only held 3 modern cloth diapers and 3 indian prefold diapers and the wind was punched right out of my sails. Realizing that dinner needed to be cooked I placed everything back into the bag and tried to calm my frantic mind as to what happened and process my confusion. Slightly distracted at dinner Brandon did most of the parenting and talking as the rest of the evening went on. Once Andrew was in bed I reached for my package and tried again to come to reason with what was inside.


As I touched and worked each diaper, more and more questions starting coming like a tsunami. Immediately I felt a huge sense of discouragement and was immensely overwhelmed. I held 3-6 cloth diapers and wanted to run for the hills. In lue of this discovery... I laughed.

Making my way to the computer I pulled up You Tube and started simple searches of How-To/ Cloth Diaper videos. My husband, having grown in wisdom since our vows, noticed the signs of his wife in the "leave me alone zone" left me for over a hour as I poured over video after video. My panic slowly began to fade at the completion of each video and my confidence and excitement returned as I realized my trial order blunder and made another order. This time I read the fine print. I could order 1 of each brand/ kind of diaper and I needed to order a Snappi (the contraption that replaces old school pins) and Wet Bag (to hold the soiled diapers until washing) separately.

Feeling a sense of relief and a boost of confidence, I was ready to talk to my husband again. It was decided that we would attend a cloth diaper class as well as contact some good friends who currently cloth diaper for some serious Q&A. We're both on board and ready to take it head on.

I'm pretty sure I know what method I'm going to prefer; however, I could be wrong and that method may not work for Andrew. Either way, the diapers are here and once the rest arrive and we have enough to get through 1-2 days we'll start. Next time I'll read the fine print a little closer and make sure I know what to expect, realistically. Lol. I'm excited, it's going to be an adventure!!!