Suspision of Society

Pulling into the post office parking lot I took notice of the line that was already forming in the lobby and reminded myself, yet again, to never come to the post office during the lunch hour. Gathering my mail I double checked my purse for keys and locked the door as I stepped out in to the parking lot. As I entered the building I hardly took notice of the people and sighed at the length of the line I was now going to have to wait in. Keeping my head down I fiddled with my mail and pulled out my phone just to have something to do that would keep me from having to make eye contact with anyone; I'd been having a rough day at work and the last thing I wanted was be forced into small talk with a complete stranger. I held my purse even closer and lowered my head as far as my neck would allow as two men entered and got in line behind me. I was so focused on keeping myself from making eye contact or having to smile at anyone that I almost missed a small black woman approach and ask if she could borrow my phone.

Taking a moment to process that someone was talking to me I just gaped at the woman as she smiled and spoke again: "Miss, canna borrow your phone. I needa place a call and dey aint gotta pay phone."

The shock I felt that someone was talking to me and had asked me a question must have registered on my face as she continued to grin at me with all her teeth showing. I took in her bright pink lipstick that stood out against her dark skin and the vibrant teal scarf around her neck that didn't really match her deep red shirt and velvet purple pants. She carried a large black fake leather purse, that had seen better days, and despite the bright and sunny weather she held an umbrella. In her other hand she carried a plastic grocery bag that's content was a mystery due to the knot tied neatly at the top. As I took all of this in she just continued to smile and look at me while patiently waiting for me to answer her question.

Feeling that her bright pink and toothy smile was contagious, I smiled back at her while handing over my phone without speaking a word. As she carried on her conversation with a cab company my heart wrung for this sweet old lady who had enough spunk to ask a complete stranger to borrow a phone. Her smile never wavered as she requested a pickup and delivery for herself.

Checking the clock I took note that I still had forty minutes of my sixty minute lunch break left and began to formulate a plan in my head. When she handed my phone back to me I spoke to her for the first time and offered her a ride.

It was her turn to be shocked and as she did with me I just smiled and patiently waited for her to respond. "You don't needa do dat. I'ma just goin to Kroger across da way."

Reassuring her that I didn't mind and convincing her that it was just across the way she shook her head and mumbled how nice it was of me. Finishing up my mailing we headed out to my little car while I asked if there was any where else she needed to go. Teasing her that I was to be her free taxi service for as long as she required my assistance she nervously bent down into my passenger seat and pulled her purse close to her chest as she buckled her seat belt.

Within minutes we were pulling into a parking spot in the Kroger parking lot. Remembering that I needed to pick up a few things myself I climbed out of the car with her and took in the look of trepidation that now crossed her face. Giving her a toothy smile that matched her own just minutes ago I explained my own need to visit Krogers and watched as relief caused the wrinkles around her mouth to sag just a little more but were almost immediately deepened as she broke out another smile of her own. Coming around the car in a quick shuffle she took my arm at my elbow, she was almost a foot shorter than I, and began sharing with me her excitement that she had come to Krogers to buy a phone: "... onna those pay before ones dat I can use to call me a cab with."

At the mention of a cab she looked up at me and winked. Not intentionally following her to the stand with phones I watched as her eyes took in the display and saw the second confusion crossed her face. She turned to me with eyes wide, the spunk I had seen in the post office and parking lot had been replaced with uncertainty and it made her look even older. Her shoulders slumped in defeat and although I wasn't certain if they were shaking before her hands now shook.

Prying my eyes from hers I took in the display of phones and quickly digested the information in front of me. Thinking that she would need something simple and user friendly I recommended a small flip phone and picked up a correlating phone card with 150 minutes. As it had in the parking lot her face changed in an instant, the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes deepening as she gave me one of her toothy smiles. She snatched up the box and card in my hand with triumph, straightened her shoulders, and with a bounce in her step she made her way to the self check out. Again, not intentionally following her I felt drawn to this woman and the need to make sure I followed my good deed through to the end caused me to fall in line behind her with my own needed items completely forgotten.

Knowing that she would need help activating the phone and minutes I lead her to the front of the store and took her bag from her hands. I opened her bag and reached for the box focusing on my task of getting this woman set up with her phone. Within seconds a manager approached and firmly asked what I was doing?

Startled at his presence and stern voice I simply gawked at the man confused as to what and why he was asking. Clearing his throat he took the phone box from my hands, confusion coming to me in waves, and handed them to the sweet old black woman with a tight smile. I vaguely registered her shocked and confused face that quickly reverted back to the pink toothy grin I had come to know so well in the last 20 minutes.

"Whatch you doin young man, dis woman is my gaurdian angel and you treatin her like some criminal. She helpin me so if you please give dat box back to 'er. Lord knows I needa, dats why he sent 'er to ma."

His mouth opened and closed like that of a fish as the woman snatched the box from him just as she had done from me only minutes ago. Flashing him yet another pink toothy smile she proudly handed the box in my direction and pushed her purse back up onto her shoulder.

Involuntarily a chuckle came busting forth from my gut and I doubled over. With my eyes squeezed shut I let out a laugh loud enough for all of Krogers to hear. I imagined what our situation must have looked like and felt pity on the manager as he stood there completely taken aback at the woman's exclamation. He saw a white woman in a suit take a bag from a small mismatched old black woman and whether or not he understood the situation he acted on a society driven impulse. I don't know if it was the smug look on the old woman's face or the disbelief and shock on the manager's face but I found the whole situation highly amusing. My laughter didn't cease as the manager took his leave and the smile on the woman's face, to my surprise, only got bigger. Looking somewhat like a dog with a tail between his legs I could tell the manager's pride had been punched in the gut and all the fight was knocked right out of him.

Getting back to the task at hand I set up the phone and offered another ride. No amount of convincing that I could take her somewhere else stuck as the spunky old black woman insisted on making her first call, she called a cab company. Double checking to make sure she didn't need anything else I bid the woman goodbye and made my way out to my car to head back to work.

Checking the clock on my dash I saw I had just enough time to get back to work with in my sixty minute lunch break and reflected over the last hour. The woman had called me her guardian angel and the manager thought I was a thug dressed in a suit. Laughing to myself as I turned up my stereo and lowered my windows I felt compelled to pray for the old woman and the manager. Remembering the defensive nature in the managers voice and body language a sad realization damped my laughter and gaiety of the situation; my good deed was seen as theft and for the first time in my life, that I can remember, I was prejudiced against for being white.

The drive back to work was solemn as I prayed for both people involved and gave thanks that it was me that offered the spunky woman a helping hand and not someone who had ill intentions in mind. It seems in our society today that it's true that no good deed goes unpunished.

What a depressing thought.

Lock Down

Sharing an office building with other businesses has made working at my company interesting. Since our lobby is on the second floor the stairwell and elevator access to that floor are open to the public; however, to gain access to the third floor you must have an electronic key or be buzzed up by the front desk. The same is true to gain access around the second floor. The lobby is open but to be able to walk back to any offices or even to open the bathroom door you must have your assigned electronic key or have the front desk receptionist electronically unlock one of these doors for you.

Having trained myself from day one, each time I step out of my office I pick up my key and make my way around the building while wishing I worked on the third floor. Even though you need a key to gain access to the third floor once there you are free to move about without the road block of a locked door. Those working on the third floor can go the bathroom without fear of getting locked out or having to, yet again, ask the receptionist to open the door for you.

When initially considering the reason for the second floor lock down, someone’s purse was stolen by an outsider, you can’t help but be grateful for the security of our two floors. Giving it more thought you might realize that if you have an office on the second floor you must carry your electronic key around with you at all times or remain forever at the mercy of the front desk receptionist. Although she will gladly open a door for you I can’t imagine the frustration it might cause her to be constantly asked to open this door or that door. The embarrassment of having to ask her to open the bathroom door each time the need presents itself is reason enough to guard your electronic key as if it were a piece of the crown jewels.

Having left my key at home this morning I found myself in a position of humbleness and mercy. Understand that before having a child my bladder, in my opinion, was the strongest muscle in my body. I could drink my 8 cups of water and hold it for the entire day if I chose to. Even while pregnant I maintained most of my strength and laughed as other pregnant women ran to the bathroom every 30 minutes. Now that my son is here my poor bladder is weak, tired, and incapable of holding even a cup of liquid for an hour and I had a cup of coffee while driving to work.

Having only been back at work for two weeks I am still working out my morning routine that will get me to work on time. I was 15 minutes early this morning. Waiting in my car for a female coworker to pull in I gathered the courage I would need to sheepishly ask her to let me in the bathroom. Just the thought of even considering asking a male coworker to such an act caused enough embarrassment for me to avoid eye contact with the three that walked in the building while I sat in my car waiting. After what felt like an hour, but was only minutes, a female coworker pulled into the parking lot. Eagerness took over and I almost leaked my cup of coffee on the front car seat. Taking a deep breath and pushing my pride over such a silly and nonsensical matter aside I stepped from the car and made my way inside to ask her the big question:

“Can you open the bathroom for me?”

To give a little padding to my already bruised pride I will be refraining from all liquids today.

Two Months

It has been a hectic and awesome couple of months but we've loved every minute of it. Being a parent is everything and nothing like what people tell you but in the end we consider ourselves thoroughly blessed. Andrew remains easy going and laid back and is by far a SUPER baby. He still eats, sleeps, and poops like a champ and his smiles continue to melt our hearts. He does tummy time fairly well and he has already learned how to roll over; I'm still unsure how I feel about that... he's growing up WAY too fast! Most night he sleeps 6 hours but Monday night he did his first 8 hour night and we both were elated and hoping this marks a trend. ;) He turned 9 weeks old Tuesday and went in for his 2 month appointment weighing in at 11 lbs 15 ounces and measuring 23.5 inches.

Tiko is still doing great with Andrew and they are good buds. Andrew loves to watch Tiko's tail and doesn't mind Tiko's occasional kisses. It should be fun to watch the two of them play once Andrew gets older.

The Night Shift

Blinking rapidly with hopes of moisturizing my dry contacts I rolled over to looked at the clock. Carefully I pushed my pillow back making sure not to put any weight on my chest, I could feel the tightness of my skin beneath my shirt and bra and knew that it was close to feeding time. The clock read 2:AM, used to waking at such an early hour my mind did a quick calculation where I realized it had only been four hours. The wheels in my head began turning as I tried to decide whether or not to get up or to go back to sleep in hopes that Andrew would sleep another two hours. It took only a minute or two to decide that the more sleep the better and I rolled over fluffing my pillow on the way. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the ache coming from chest as I focused on a serene scene of a wooded area.

Forty-five minutes later I woke yet again, my bust aching for relief and my body wide awake ready to make the journey across the house to feed my son. I entered his room and with out even seeing his face I immediately knew that he was still in a deep sleep. Smiling I crossed the room to the crib and peaked over the edge already knowing what I was going to find. Andrew was asleep, as I predicted, and through his wiggling he had pulled the covers up over his face. Only a small finger or two peaked out from the top of the covers along with his pacifier which he had probably pulled out and now laid above his head. Laughing at the idea that he liked to snuggle the covers up high like his mom I lightly pulled the covers down to his chin and exposed his face to the chilly night air in the house. I watched as he didn't even stir at the movement and knew that I was going to have to pump. Again my head ran with calculations and I realized that I would probably be up again with in a hour to feed him. I quickly pumped and placed a readied bottle on the stove-top for easy heating when the time came.

Twenty minutes after checking on Andrew I fluffed my pillow and crawled into bed. Checking the clock one last time I read the bright red numbers with ease; 3:AM. My body welcomed the warmth of the covers like flowers in the spring as the temperature rises. My head found the sweet spot of my pillow that supported my neck with just the right amount of fluff and with in minutes I was back to dreaming of my walk in the woods.

Andrew's cry through the monitor woke my mind and body and I vaguely wondered what time it was feeling that was a long hour. Rolling over on my stomach and pushing my pillow aside I leaned over to find the red numbers for the third time that morning; 6:AM. Brandon moved to get up as I smiled and let him know that a bottle was on the stove-top ready for a quick warm up. With slow movements that spoke of sleepiness Brandon thanked me in a deep groggy voice and shut the bedroom door.

I rolled back onto my pillow again, my head searching for that sweet spot, and quickly calculated the time. My face broke into an elated smile at my realization right before my mind drifted back into the woods for another thirty minutes.

Feeling fully alert, awake, and content I leisurely flung the covers off of me and let the cold air chill my arms and legs as I got out of bed. I could hear the shower in the bathroom running and the low hum of the fan as I slipped my slippers on my feet and made my way to the living room. Pausing only to turn on the TV I bounced my way to the nursery humming "Amazing Grace" on the way. I flipped the switch and filled the room with light as I made my way over to my son and brightly wished him a good morning. He returned my smile with one of his own as he began to wiggle and laugh, cooing and gurgling his good morning to me.

Reaching down I picked him up and snuggled him close to my face taking in his sweet baby smell before congratulating him on his first EIGHT HOUR NIGHT! My excitement radiated through me and Andrew picked up on the fun still laughing and wiggling as if proud of himself for this great feat. We both left the nursery with plenty of smiles and giggles as we went to start our day.

"There Were 10 in the Bed..."

"... and the little one said ROLL OVER, ROLL OVER."
As an education major I am quite familiar with this children's song. It was a favorite for many lesson plans for the younger age groups and works great when reinforcing counting to 10. I have discovered yet another use for this cute little song!

Last Friday while at my scrapbooking retreat Andrew made a visit and was loved on by all the women and while visiting he rolled over. Laughing and thinking it was a fluke I placed him back on his tummy and watched as he rolled over for a second time. Completely shocked and unsure how I felt about my 7 week 3 day old son rolling over I jumped up to grab my camera; however, he never did it again.

Last night Andrew came home from his second day at daycare completely content to be home. After his early evening feeding he was wide awake and ready to spend some time with mommy and daddy so I readied a blanket for some tummy time. Before I even let go he threw his head to the side and started the process of rolling over. Brandon and I spent the next hour watching, laughing, and video taping our 4 week old son roll over again and again. It's so funny to watch him use head as a counter weight and then to see him flail his little legs before getting his hips to turn. He's SO cute!

Enjoy!

You can hear Tiko in the background jealous of Andrew's attention. hehehe. :)

Heads Up

My little guy is growing fast and today he took yet another milestone step. We've been doing tummy time as much as possible but the only time he would hold his head up and look around was when he on someone's chest, he would push off and lean back arching his back. If you weren't careful there was chance he might flip right out of your arms.

Today while doing tummy time he held his head up for a little over 2 minutes before it got too heavy for him. I'm SO proud of him!!!

A Moment

Carefully carrying my bundle I stepped into the room and made a bee line for the table. I placed my son on the pad and quickly began the work of changing his diaper knowing full well that the longer it took the harder it would be to get him to settled for sleep. As I unwrapped his diaper the cold air hit him like a wake up call and his eyes burst open trying to take in what he could. Having kept the light off the only light was coming from a small night light on the other side of the room and immediately Andrew's eyes found it. Taking care to make sure he didn't roll off the table while straining to see the light I changed him, dressed him, and scooped him up smiling as his eyes followed the light as we moved. Thinking how heavy he is getting I slowly lowered myself into the glider and began the smooth motion of rocking back and forth. With one hand supporting his bottom and the other lightly on back of his neck I eased Andrew's head down onto my chest and quietly began singing:

"Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong, they are weak but he is strong. Yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me the Bible tells me so."

Over and over I sang while slowly rocking. Even though Andrew stirred fighting the sleepiness that was over taking him I kept the motion of the glider constant and never wavered from my song. Over and over I sang while slowing rocking. Andrew began kicking his legs and rubbing at his eyes while whimpering, he cried out telling me that he was more tired than I thought. Keeping my hold on him light but still supporting him I allowed him to reposition himself down closer to the crook of my arm. Using my breast as a pillow he wrapped his body around my waist and took a position very similar to when he's feeding and at that angle the night light provided just enough light that I could clearly see his face. I smiled down at him, even though I know he couldn't see it, and my heart broke with love and pride at the treasure in my arms. Making note of the moment I knew I would remember it for many years to come for it was too precious to forget.

Over and over I sang while slowly rocking. I was able to watch as his eye lids grew heavy I felt his breathing become slow and constant and I listened as he gave a small sigh of contentment just as I finished the last line of my song. With out making a sound I stopped rocking and just looked down at my son. I have no idea how long I sat there just taking in his small face but I noticed his long eye lashes, the fact that his fingernails needed trimming, the way his checks puffed from his weight and the way he was laying against me, his recent development of a double chin that was hard to miss, the unmistakable likeness and handsomeness of his father.

Chuckling I began singing the same song again as I stood and made my way across the small room. With the utmost care I placed Andrew in the crib, made sure his pacifier was firmly in his mouth, and tucked him in. Seeing that his eyes popped open as I laid him down I sang my song one last time before bending to kiss his head and whisper that I loved him with a smile.

Even though I knew I didn't need to be quiet, Andrew could sleep through anything, I tip toed out of the room and went to ready myself for sleep keeping the image of his sweet sleeping face at the fore front of my mind.